How do I say everything I need to say about Carrie? Is it even possible to do? How does one summarize more than 15 years of friendship with someone who was more a sister than a friend?
I have been thinking back to the maid of honor toast I gave at her wedding nearly 10 years ago. It was so easy, I barely had to prepare it. The words and the feelings of happiness I had for her flowed so simply. I wish I had kept that speech, it might have helped me with trying to honor her now.
Two years ago, the birthday card I sent Carrie featured two old ladies sitting on a porch drinking wine. The caption said something to the effect of, here we are at 90 years old. That's what we fully expected - to be friends for decades, to sit on that porch and drink wine, to be there for each other as we have been for so long. But that's not what happened.
This isn't about the inexplicable nature of what happened to such an exceptional person in her prime, nor my fury at losing one of the most important and influential people in my life and the lives of so many others. It's about a person and her influence on this world, the good that she did, the faith and courage she inspired.
When Carrie was in her mid to late 20's she shared me with her goals over lunch one Saturday afternoon: by 30 I want to be married, own a home and be a director. And don't you know she accomplished all three. Talk about having it all, she married the man of her dreams and had an incredible career, she traveled the world, she was loved by so many and gave that love right back.
The fun times we shared are too many to recount - so I won't even try to capture even a fraction of them. So many trips over the years- Aruba, Australia, Arizona, Hawaii, Boston, St Thomas. And so many wonderful times just hanging out or having drinks or shopping (boy, were we epic shopping partners. My last trip to NJ we spent the morning at Short Hills Mall until I had to be taken reluctantly to the airport).
All those are wonderful memories, and I will treasure them always. But there are a few things about Carrie that stand out and will likely stay with me the most.
The first one is her selflessness. I always tried to prep myself with a strategy for our phone calls to try to find out how SHE was doing before she could ask me about all the various things going on in my life. It was always about other people with Carrie, she never put herself first. Even in the last phone conversations we had, she'd start right out with - how's your mom? Can I put her in touch with my dad since they've had the same surgery? It would have been very easy for her to get wrapped up in her own ordeal, but she never did - even though she had every right to.
The second, related, would be her care taking spirit. My wedding was small, by design, and I chose not to have attendants because I would have wanted every one of the friends I'd invited to be in the wedding party - which would have been silly. But sure enough, Carrie threw me a luncheon on the day before the ceremony and included all the girls. On my wedding day there was Carrie at my hotel room door - ready to help me finish getting ready. We laughed a lot (especially when we accidentally ruined a strand of pearls I had been loaned). She was the one who walked me to where the ceremony was after everyone else had gone, and then even took video with my mother's camera. She would not just sit by, she needed to be right there with me the whole way. She was always there like that for me, with a sympathetic ear and a desire to help. And I know she did this for many others.
The last would be her 'love for love.' Carrie was a sucker for a love story - and she was always thrilled when her friends fell in love. Some of that probably stemmed from the epic love story she had with Dale. Some know that I ended up going with her on their first date (that's a story for another time) and from day one she was just head over heels. Dale and I have walked a bit in the same shoes, taking care of a spouse with terminal cancer. So, I know a little bit of what it took for him to care for her these past nearly two years at increasing levels. His care of her that I observed in the last week of her life moved me beyond words. This true love of hers took the vows of 'in sickness and in health' to new levels. They were wonderful for each other in the good times, and even more so in the bad times. We should all be so lucky to have someone love and care for us in that way.
I could go on and on, but I'll leave it here. I miss her desperately, I love her always, and I will plan to seek throughout my life to find ways to honor her. I feel blessed to have been with her in her last days, I will treasure those moments just as I will the fun times that we had. And I do believe she is waiting for us in that next place, glass of wine in hand, and she and I will have that visit on the porch after all.
Dale, Sue, Don, Todd, Jackie, Anne and all the rest of both families - my heart goes out to you and I pray that you find peace in the inspiration that lives on with Carrie's legacy.